i hate how much this fandom thinks about sex and how high a priority it is for so many. it's rediculous. half the drama in this fandom somehow originates from someone thinking with the wrong head and getting in trouble for it.

now what brings all this up? a while back, i got a random message from a fur that's going to stay unnamed. (no, it wasn't K.) we'd talked a few times, he cheered me up one night when i was feeling down, we'd rp'd a couple times, because while, yes, i do criticize this fandom for thinking with it's dick too much, i do in fact have one myself, though it's not as high a priority. so this evening, he messaged me and we were talking, he sent me some pics, and he started talking about things he would want to do to and with me and my mate if he could come visit. one of these things was topping me, even though, as anyone who know's my mate will already know, topping me is something that the two of us had agreed was a mate only thing. i told him this, and his immediate response was "sorry for wasting your time, i'll leave you be". WTF? after further questioning, i did in fact find out that the reason he was talking to me was so that he could stick it to me, and now that he knew it wouldn't happen, he was planning on slinking away because he apparently can't take the temptation and it would frustrate him too much. so basically, this guy came off as a friend, for the sole purpose of wanting to get me in the sack.

what the hell happened to friendship? i know for damn sure two people can have a happy, heathy relationship as friends without having to have sex! i've got several relationships that are like that. just friends, no sex. what's so wrong about that? i've heard from a few furs lately with stories like, "well, i know he's a disgusting slut, but i keep him around because he's an easy lay" or, "what his mate doesn't know won't hurt him" and i have to just step back and shake my head in frustration that so many people participate in crap like this and sadness because i loved this fandom when i found it, and the longer i stay in this fandom and the more involved that i get, the more i find out about things that just make me disappointed and ashamed to be a part of it. i'm not saying i'm leaving the fandom, i'm just getting a little overwhelmed by the stupidity.

i need a smoke. XP

I'ma workin on my murr-suit! hehe, i'm pretty happy with how things are coming along with it right now, and i'm hoping to have it ready to debut at fcn coming up here. so far, i've got the head carved, the tail is finished, and the footpaws are very close to being finished. I'll probably be posting pictures of my progress later on.

So last Thursday was a happy good day. my mate decided to surprise me with concert tickets to go see one of my favorite bands, Panic at the Disco! I had really wanted to go, but I couldn't afford to get the tickets, hehe so he bought them for me! YAY!

I skipped work so that we could line up outside in the cold an hour before the show to get a good spot because we had floor tickets. we ended up standing just a few rows of people back, right in front of the stage! the concert was amazing. the bands that performed were The Cab, Plain White T's, Dashboard Confessional, and of course, my Panic.

Towards the end, I was getting a little anxious to see Panic, and the fact that I was crushed in with a whole bunch of people didn't really help things. but when they finally came out I was all crazy and yay!

Of course, there were dumbasses at the concert trying to ruin it for everyone else though. this stupid boy was right there with this stupid girl, and she decided she wanted to try crowd surfing. and she failed. she got up... and fell! In the process kicking me in the back of the head and the girl next to me, as well. then she tried again, and since she was pissing everyone around her off, we all pushed her to the front, right to security to get rid of her.

then the boy decided that he wanted to mosh. at a panic concert. during a pretty slow and mellow song. dumbass. I was getting really tired of getting bumped into and I didn't want to give up my spot and move somewhere else, so the next tim he almost knocked me over, I elbowed him as hard as I could in the back. hehe, that made him go away... at least for a little while.

He came back with another stupid guy and they started moshing together. again, right next to me. the first kid ended up knocking over some young girl who was there with her dad, and damn was that one pissed off dad. he grabbed the kid by the neck and started cursing at him until the kid's friend stepped in and pulled them apart. but they still kept at it! and they started knocking into me again, which really pissed me off because I was trying to enjoy the concert! so the next time he bumped into me, I kinda hauled off and punched him right between the shoulder blades and started bitching him out. once again, his stupid friend stepped in and they kept going. now I couldn't do much after that because Scorch stepped between us and wouldn't let me. I really wanted to kick the kid in the nuts, but he was bumping into people with his back to them so I couldn't.

then this loudmouthed girl who, until then was also upsetting me because she was tipsy and loud, got pissed too and grabbed the kid by his scraggly emo hair and dropped him to the floor and started screaming at him, too. I took this opportunity to take the gum from my mouth and reach over to squash it into his hair, hehe. I'm just vindictive like that. also aimed a kick to him, but I'm sure that it wasn't that painful, because when you're in the floor, there's not much room for a good windup. after that, he finally decided, hmm... maybe he should stop. fucktard.

other than that, the concert was awesome, I had a blast and no voice the rest of that night, when I was finally able to move from my spot it felt so weird to walk and be able to move my arms again, hehe. stairs were difficult to go up, and once I sat in the car, I didn't want to get up at all. seriously. best concert evar. but then, it was my first, and I love panic, so I'm biased like that.

stolen from masamune zenith

1. How old will you be in five years?
26

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
my wuffie

3. How tall are you?
6’

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
hopefully getting myself a tablet. ^^

5. What's the last movie you saw?
The Ant Bully (Home)
Deathrace!!! (Cinema)

6. Who was the last person you called?
:iconkibblepup:

7. Who was the last person to call you?
my wuffie

8. What was the last text message you received?
from one of my bestest kitty friends, bobby, to tell me good night

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
Verizon to tell my wuffie some changes have been made to his account. O-o;;

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Text!! YAY!! Text me, too?

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
strangely enough, already in bed

12. Are your parents married/divorced?
Divorced, my mom remarried, and I have no idea about my blood father.

13. When did you last see your mom?
been about a month when she swung by after picking my grandmother up from the airport.

14. What color are your eyes?
brown. But I wish they were blue!

15. What time did you wake up today?
officially? I don’t think I’m awake yet… but I suppose 10ish

16. What are you wearing right now?
tight yellow t-shirt with a pretty butterfly on it, khaki jeans, dark blue thong undies and hanes ankle socks.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
Carol of the Bells

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
good question.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Creepy scary places when I’m by myself… like basements, or nighttime walks when there’s no streetlights

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Back to Hawaii… it was so beautiful there…

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
hopefully back to and finished with school at a better job and not in the same crappy apartment working at walmart.

22. Do you tan or burn?
meh, both. Takes a bit for me to get color, usually starts out as a burn, then I put some aloe on, and the next day it’s a tan!

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
duh, scary things.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
my kitten. She was attacking herself in the bathroom mirror this morning

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2

26. How big is your bed?
full. But I needs to get a bigger one to accommodate me, the wuffie, and all my plushies!

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Desktop, but it’s currently on the dead side, so I have to use wuffie’s lappytop

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
usually boxers and a t-shirt unless I’m really cold

29. What color are your sheets?
tan with black and white stripey patterns

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2 and a lot of plushies!

31. What is your favorite season?
somewhere between spring and summer, where it’s all warm and green and fun.

32. What is your second favorite season?
Fall

33. What do you like about Winter?
makin snowmen and sledding.

34. What do you like about the summer?
swimming!

35. What do you like about winter?
oh noes! Repeat question! Good thing I gave two answers last time, hehe

36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
Michigan is the only place I’ve lived, but I’ve visited a whole buncha places.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Clarklake and Ypsilanti, MI

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
when I go out, I wear shoes and sockies, but at home, sockies or bare.

39. Are you a social person?
usually more so online than in person. I’m shy… ^//^

40. What was the last thing you ate?
iced animal cookies! Before that it was a couple Dayquil tablets.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Olive Garden

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Mint Chocolate Chip! Yum. ^^

43. What is your favorite dessert?
hehe, good question. There’s soooo many!

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
toss up between split pea with ham, vegetable with beef, and cheddar potato with bacon. Hehe, I like soup.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
usually strawberry, but sometimes grape. And now I know what I want for lunch!

46. Do you like Chinese food?
hehe, yush. I usually get general tso’s chicken.

47. Do you like coffee?
nopers, I get my caffeine from soda.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
maybe one.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
depends. If I’m still home and have time for breakfast, juice or milk, but if I’m at work, soda.

50. Do you sleep alone?
sometimes, but I don’t like to… empty beds are lonely beds. So when I do sleep alone, I fill my bed with plushies.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
if there’s nobody else in the bed, I sprawl out in the middle, but if not, I take the side closest to the wall.

52. Do you know how to play poker?
kinda…

53. Do you like to cuddle?
oh yush, very much.

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
yep! A couple times

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
hehe, yeah.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
I like to eat out, but that can be expensive if you do it too often, so eating at home happens more.

57. Do you look forward to your birthday?
who doesn’t?

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
there was a girl I used to go to school with… do you know anyone? My birthday is April 16th

59. Do you want kids?
maybe… I’m undecided. That’s why my kitties are my babies!

60. Do you speak any other languages?
a few phrases in Spanish and a few words in Japanese and French.. but not enough of either to get me by…

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
nopers

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Nopenope!

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
depends. If the ocean is pretty and clean and fun, then ocean, but if it’s all murky and blah like it was in the south china sea, then pool.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
Window! Definitely not middle

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
not at all

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
useless crap that I can live without. Like candy and video games!

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
just three earrings, but whenever I go out or get dressed, I’ve got three rings, two necklaces, a watch, bracelets…

68. What is your favorite TV show?
good question. Probably Project Runway…. I’m such a fag, lol

69. Can you roll your tongue?
yep!

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
idk

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
durr… whole bunches!!!

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
Stupid Girls by Pink for calls, Katamary Damacy for texts, thnks fr th mmrs by fallout boy for voicemail

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
my mom probably does in the basement… I know I’ve got a few t-shirts and stuff that have sentimental value

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
my sketchbook that I should really use more.

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
yuppers

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed!

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
bear. I hates bees!!! They scare me, and I’m allergic

78. Do you flirt a lot?
*giggles* probably.

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
sweet and sour sauce for mcdonalds, barbecue or ranch for anything else… I know, I’m weird.

80. What is your favorite food?
I dunno.. probably something either not good for me at all, or some kind of fruit.

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
nopers, even though I’ve been shown how at least three times.

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
lol, a few

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
Nopers! Came pretty close though before

84. What is your usual bedtime?
Whenever I start to fall asleep, usually around two in the morning

85. What was the last book you read?
probably one of my manga

86. Do you read the newspaper?
sometimes

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
nopers

89. Do you watch soap operas?
Lol, nope!

90. Do you dance in the car?
like toe tappin and stuff like that? Yush. ^^

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
96.3. ^^ or maybe it was 88.5 for my cd player transmitter.

92. Who do you have in a picture frame near you?
nearest people one would be my wuffie, other than that it would be a picture of a wuffie, lol

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
Probably something at work

94. What is your favorite candle scent?
right now? Apricot mango, but it changes.

95. What is your favorite board game?
Life!

97. When was the last time you attended church?
definetly been a while.

98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
Ms. Card, my art teacher! She was a crazy lesbian. ^^

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
maybe a night?

100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
My wuffie got me some cookies. ^^

so I had a plan, right? this paycheck, I was going to get myself a tablet, and also try to scan and upload some new arts since I really haven't done anything in a while. but my compy went kaput the other night... don't know why.. I was in the middle of an im and it went all BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!!!! and now it doesn't want to go past the loading screen, even in safe mode. sad=me.

freakin. awesome.

yes.

<33333
*tailwagwagwagwag*


yay for cars and violence, hehe. don't really know much about cars, except that they can be fun to watch. even more so when they're being blown into little bits! very cools. plus, Jason Statham is gorgeous. I wanna lick him. *giggles* For that matter... so is Tyrese Gibson.

hehe, I know. it's definetly a first methinks. a car movie that made me feel all tingly down below. anyways... bedtime for me! I wants snuggles. ^^

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I wrote this bio for the yiffstar chat. I'm kinda proud of how evil it is. ^^


"Fidget is a twelve year old fennec fox. He was born into a bad family, poor thing. his mother and father get into frequent fights, but for some reason, they stay together. But while his mother is out all night drinking, his father takes out his frustrations on his poor kit. Fidget's daddy would sometimes tie him down and beat him, and even more often, molest and rape him telling him things such as "be quiet or you'll wake mommy," or "if you don't do as daddy says, daddy will kill mommy/brother/random other family member." His daddy would also often whore Fidget out to his business associates and other random friends. this didn't used to happen, not until after his brother moved away. Fidget had often wondered why his brother cried so much at night...

He tries to lead a normal life outside of the home, staying the night at friends' houses and putting on a happy face for the general public. More often than not, his daddy will try to get Fidget to bring his friends home with him to spend the night there. Fidget learned why after only once, and now never allows any friends to so much as come over and visit, let alone spend the night.

One would think that if this poor fox lived in such hell, he would try to run away and escape, much like his brother. Of course he has tried, but after the first one got away, daddy isn't going to so easily let another one slip through his fingers. "Extra beatings for bad foxes," he would say. And there's also the fact that.... although his life sounds horrible, there's a part of him that likes it that way. What kit doesn't love his daddy, after all?"

Rest In Peace.
I love you and I miss you already.



Cuddles
My cat of 14 years.

I'm bored right now. and I haven't written in a while. so I'll do that! YAY! I currently have pretty much no money, thanks to a speeding ticket that i got (62 in a 40 mph area is bad, apparently). but other than that, all of my other bills have been paid off and stuff. I'm also trying to find a job somewhere in the Ypsilanti/Ann Arbor area so that I can move out of my parents' house because it pretty much sucks there, and move in with my bf where, yeah... still sucks, but the good kind. ^^ anyways... blah. so there. could take weeks for me to get a job and that really really sucks.

so after almost two months of not being together, things with Seth were put to an end. He wanted me to choose... I feel horrible right now. barely any sleep, my eyes are all red and puffy... and seth? Seth is in the hospital. I put him there. I'm the one that caused him to get too emotional. he wanted to kill himself because he couldn't have me. and I was afraid, so I called the police and now he's in the psych ward in the hospital. Even his mother and sister tell me that I was right to have done so, but the only thing that keeps running through my mind is him saying over and over, "Please, don't leave me. don't leave me alone," in a small childlike voice that I'd never heard before. I couldn't sleep last night because all I could think about was that and how it's all my fault. I just... don't really know what else to do or say right now. and now I'm crying again in the middle of the computer lab at the school library getting funny looks, but right now all I want is to know that he's okay. I hate myself for what I had to do.

I find myself wishing lately, that I could go back to when things were more innocent. Back when the only time I cried was because of a scraped knee or some kid was making fun of me on the playground or whatever. And I also keep wondering what it is about me that people like, or even love, and why I always find a way to fuck everything up. My eyes are barely open right now because I did not get much sleep, and my leg is throbbing with the dull pain of scars that have probably doubled as of around 8 o'clock this morning. but the hot crimson stains that now exist on my cool sheets have done nothing to help me to figure out the why or the how, or anything of the sort. How the hell do I manage to get almost everyone that I care about upset at me? and how the hell does one choose between two loves knowing full well that the one that doesn't get chosen could die, possibly at his own hands. I don't know if I can handle knowing that someone that I love and care for died because I wasn't there and I couldn't find a way to fix things and make them right again. It has been said that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. that's a load of bullshit in this one's opinion, because at least when you have never loved, you don't know what you're missing out on, and you don't have to deal with the guilt of letting someone down. I hate that guilt. it is that guilt which causes this one to hate his own self above all others. And no, nobody should worry about me doing something drastic like ending it all. For one, I'm too much of a wuss to do that anyways, and for another, what the hell would it matter anyways? I'm beginning to think that all I cause is drama, pain, and heartbreak and that people would probably be better off without me in their lives anyways... but I like being social too much to become the recluse that I would oh so love to be right now; because after all, if I were never social, and I'd never talked to anyone, then I'd never have met the people that I have and I wouldn't be the agonizing mess that I am today. How the hell does one choose between an ex that you still have feelings for that says they not only love you back, but they want to marry you and they rather die than be without you, and a current love that you love being with and he loves you back and is trying to get his life back on track to keep you happy when, for all you know, the rest of his life could only be five more months? The tears that are currently stinging in this one's eyes are causing sight to become difficult as I try to hold them in, knowing full well that they'll be coming out soon enough anyways, for today is D-day, with casualties heavy on both sides, but one main front is feeling the force of the attacks of both sides and has no idea what to do.

Your Ultimate Purity Test 2.0 Score Is...
	Your Score:	Average For All Users	Average For All ( total)
Dating	30.77%	34.25%	Dated seriously
Self-Lovin'	30.3%	61.31%	When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself
Shamelessness	54.84%	77.57%	It takes a couple of drinks
Sex Drive	54.76%	75.27%	A fool for love, but not always
Straightness	98.15%	39.66%	Just go fuck something, okay?
Gayness	3.7%	78.68%	Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame
Dominant	60%	87.04%	Not afraid to tie the knot
Submissive	49.21%	87.42%	A playtoy when the mood is right
Fucking Sick	64.29%	90.05%	Dipped into depravity
Total Score	51.52%	74.05%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test 2.0 and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

I had to take my kitty to the vet the other day because she was having some troubles. First of all, her lips were swollen, and that's been coming and going for quite a while now, but the main thing that I was worried about was the fact that I came home from work on Sunday to find that my cat's eyes were completely dialated. It kinda made me think of Puss in boots from Shrek 2 when he does the cute face. the only difference is that her eyes were like this because she'd gone blind. She could still find her water and food and kitty litter okay, but she's bumping into things and she can't get up onto my bed so she just sits on the floor and cries until I put her up there.

The vet said that her lips were swollen as a result to an allergic reaction, and he gave me some pills to give to her to help the swelling go down and stuff. He also said that her eyes are completely gone. forever. Her retinas are all torn to hell and she's going to be blind for the rest of her life. He's not really sure what caused this, but it could be a result of old age or something... (My cat is around 15 years old). But I feel so bad for her!

I finally got around to teaching myself how to sorta kinda use photoshop. I found a few tutorials online, and did a little experimenting! I did a couple of photo edits that turned out REALLY cool, and then I colored some of my lineart. The line art was the complicated part, and somehow I managed to crash two computers getting it done. I'm really pleased with how it looks though! I've uploaded it to my furaffinity account, but here's a link to it anyways:

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e252/Sketch8705/art/photoshoptrialfinal.jpg